Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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