She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
