My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize