Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
