I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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