This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
