her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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