Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
