I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
