You work out of a Hotel?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
