apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The struggles of a small town man whore
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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