My room smells like vodka and shame
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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