So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
