I'm lost and stupid without you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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