Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
