she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
