I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
