Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
