My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
