Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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