I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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