Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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