you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
