Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
