My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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