At least make sure they are 18
Why
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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