he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
