Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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