Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
