Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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