did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
