somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Damn victory sex feels great
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
