I met the friendliest cop last night
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
