hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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