so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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