Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
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he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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