Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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