I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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