Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
