This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
