Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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