Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
