yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
