my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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