just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
