I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
