I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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