i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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