just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
