best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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