he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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