just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
