Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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