Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
