i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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