Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
