So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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