i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
