Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
