tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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