Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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