Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
