I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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