Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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