Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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