I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
